Public Post!

I’ve been offline and gen­er­al­ly bedrid­den for about a week and a half. It drove Mr. V nuts, and it’s dri­ving my anx­i­ety and depres­sion into a new realm. There are two major things I’m fight­ing: the first is wild­ly fluc­tu­at­ing blood pres­sure, the sec­ond is wide­spread pain with no known cause.

The chron­ic pain has been a known issue for years, but in the last few weeks it has spiked up and stayed there, around 7 and 8 out of 10. It’s focused large­ly on my low back, which means any move­ment is achy, and the hard­est part is not know­ing why. I have two dif­fer­ent painkillers, but nei­ther have made any dif­fer­ence. I’ve attend­ed my phys­i­cal ther­a­py each week and that seems to make every­thing worse, which is con­fus­ing my ther­a­pist.

Then on Friday every­thing just.… stopped hurt­ing.  (yay?)

Also for no appar­ent rea­son.

So now I’m back up at the café work­ing, but I’m in con­stant anx­i­ety and I’m quite cer­tain every­thing is going to come back with­out warn­ing.

The sec­ond issue, my blood pres­sure, has been a minor con­cern for years, but has recent­ly ramped up to become a Very Big Problem. Like the pain, there’s no known cause, which is dri­ving me nuts. Every day my blood pres­sure drops unex­pect­ed­ly (when I’m walk­ing, when I’m sit­ting, when I’m lay­ing down), which caus­es my heart rate to spike up over 160 and 170, very high. I hit 184 yes­ter­day while sit­ting and read­ing a mag­a­zine. The drops in my blood pres­sure have caused me to black out before, and one time I stopped breath­ing, so this is not some­thing I’m will­ing to let run its course. If I black out while dri­ving or walk­ing around.… well, there isn’t going to be an issue because I’m talk­ing to the doc­tors.

Between these two issues, my past two weeks have felt like I’m under­wa­ter with the flu while some 10 year old jumps on my back for fun. It’s been mis­er­able, and made more so by the lack of infor­ma­tion or under­stand­ing. It is extreme­ly frus­trat­ing to fight some­thing you can’t iden­ti­fy. I’ve been thank­ful to lean on Mr. V dur­ing this process.

Today I have an appoint­ment with a rheuma­tol­o­gist in the after­noon. I’m going to hand my entire med­ical his­to­ry over to her and hope she has some­thing to say oth­er than ’welp, that sucks.’

You will, of course, be the first to know what’s up.